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An open letter from writer Mimi Tanner, Author of Calling Men, How To Flirt With Men, and Man Mistake Eraser
No matter what they tell you, men love it when you drive them crazy. They love it!
In my class “Hard To Get” you’ll discover how to drive a man crazy.
Men feel very much alive when they are crazy with passion and interest for a woman who rivets their attention.
One way to get a man’s attention is to do LESS, not more.
Does “hard to get” increase the intensity? You bet it does.
For example, many of us have an old flame who stays in our minds.
One reason that person stays in our minds is because we don’t HAVE that person.
They’re extremely HARD TO GET.
That affects how much you THINK about them and want them.
It intensifies the intensity. And falling in love is all about intensity!
“Hard To Get” is for the fearless, because the idea of “Hard to Get” is controversial.
It’s also a well-understood fact of simple human nature.
Some people hear this phrase and automatically think it means being “manipulative” – resorting
to “tricks” to “get a man.”
First – who says you need to “get a man”? You don’t. You need to “get” yourself – and know that if a man “gets” you, then he’s a lucky bloke indeed.
Easy equals desperate. Easy equals not waiting for what is special. Easy means not being okay
with being on your own.
Some women say, “With a really great man, I shouldn’t need to play games.”
We say, “Great men love a challenge. When they’re married to you, they’ll cherish you all the more because you were hard to get.”
Truer words were never spoken.
Sometimes, a woman knows that the way she came across – in a first meeting – with a guy she liked WAS NOT the way she really wanted – and was not the true, confident HER. Maybe out of nerves, she came across a little needy or insecure. Only the slightest fine-tuning could have made a big difference.
Some women say, “I don’t have the energy to work on how I come across to men.”
We say, “Most worthwhile things take energy and effort. The results are worth it.”
Some MEN say, “I don’t want a woman who plays games.”
to “tricks” to “get a man.”
with being on your own.
Sometimes, a woman knows that the way she came across – in a first meeting – with a guy she liked WAS NOT the way she really wanted – and was not the true, confident HER. Maybe out of nerves, she came across a little needy or insecure. Only the slightest fine-tuning could have made a big difference.
We say, “Yeah, right. What men think they want and what they really want are usually two different things! It’s just that some women are “hard to get” for them – naturally.
Some women say, “I just don’t like the whole idea of playing hard to get.”
We say, “Consider the alternative. It’s not a pretty picture. Not being hard to get means that you get to Emotional First Base long before he does. When he realizes that you are there before him – he will start backing away from you. This causes a lot of broken hearts.”
Hard To Get means you are in control – and you’re a lot more likely to get the man you want and to have a better relationship with him in the long run.
“How true – how true! When I’m being mysterious and not pouring out my emotional needs, I have total control. I hate to say it, but the more I’m mysterious, the more he wants to be with me.” — Lisa
Hard to Get is a time-honored principle for a reason – it has helped hundreds of thousands
of women to learn the meaning of valuing themselves and using self-restraint and self-discipline when some of their strongest urges could have resulted in actions that would have NOT worked in their best interests in the long run.
Make no mistake about it. Love is a “game” – the most wonderful “game” ever invented. Play to win. Play hard…. to get!
Love is not for the faint of heart. How well we all know that!
The Game… of Love?? Shocking!
Is it “playing a game” with a man when you play hard to get?
Yes! Playing hard to get is definitely one of the games of love (as if you didn’t know).
Now let me ask you a question.
When did games get such a bad name?
Everyone loves games; from football to cards. Games are one of life’s chief methods of entertainment.
Why are games okay when it comes to sports and backgammon, but not okay when it comes to romance?
“Because love is not a game!” some say. “How DARE you encourage anyone to play games of the heart!!”
Not True! Love IS a game – the most fun game ever invented – and it has always been a game. You’ve been involved, whether you knew it or not!
Perceived Value and the Scarcity Factor
One of the great lessons of love is known as the scarcity factor. Plain and simple: people tend to want what they cannot have!
When things are hard to obtain, they seem more valuable – to put it mildly.
What if someone told you that you could buy a 2-year-old Jaguar for $15,000. What would you think?
You’d think that there must be something wrong with it. (And you’d probably be right.)
When you think of luxury items or designer clothing, what is the number-one thing that sets them apart? Is it the workmanship? The quality?
Perhaps – but far more than that, it’s the PRICE. That is what gets your attention and makes it stand apart from all the others – it costs more, and it’s harder to obtain. Fewer people will be able to get it – and if you have it, it’s clear that you must have had something special in order to get it.
But things are only as valuable as someone thinks. And the more rare something is, the more people think it is worth.
I once searched high and low to find a special, out-of-print book. It was written in the 1950′s and few people remembered it. I was thrilled to finally find the book, and paid $150 over the internet in order to obtain this rare copy.
Only a few weeks later, the very same book was given to me by a public school librarian who was about to throw it out because no one had checked it out in at least fifteen years.
Obviously some people think that book is valuable – or the price would not have been so high – but for others, it was gathering dust and needed to be discarded.
It’s called “perceived value.”
How does this apply to relationships between men and women? It really starts on the inside. If you value yourself, it will show, and others will value you more, too.
If you value yourself, you will be focused on your own goals and activities – and less focused every waking minute on some guy. That automatically makes you more hard to get.
What’s the opposite of hard to get? It’s desperate. Desperation repels others, and is revealed in a thousand subtle ways – all of which you need to avoid like the plague.
I get a lot of email from women who are spending enormous amounts of time thinking about a guy in their life, but who are not spending enormous amounts of time adding value to their own lives by learning and growing. That is the first step to becoming hard to get.
It’s not about being self-absorbed or selfish – it’s really about self-respect. The greatest gift you have is YOU. What you do with this gift will affect not only you, but literally thousands of people.
Whether you believe it or not, you already have an image. People know you and are aware of you – your presence is known. Your image is out there. You are somebodyalready.
Is that somebody the kind of person who is sought after?
Start today to see yourself as the kind of woman who makes men lose sleep thinking about you!
My name’s Rachel Stark, and I know exactly how you feel. You’ve probably had the frustration of not being able to make as much money or level up as fast as some of your friends. You just watch them get ahead of you and think:
